Are doctors always right? Data, statistics and experience together are right most of the times. But there are always dots outside the Normal curve. So should a mother of a newborn believe that prospects of her baby surviving a few weeks are next to negligible? Should this mother give up any expectation of the baby’s survival and ‘move on’.
This was the difficult decision Donna Kirk had to make half a decade ago when she was told that her child was deprived of oxygen at birth and endured severe brain damage. Severe enough to survive only a few weeks. And even if the child survived, there was no chance that the child will understand this world or ever recognize them as his parents.
Finding Matthew: A Child with Brain Damage, a Young Man with Mental Illness, a Son and Brother with Extraordinary Spirit
Paperback: 314 pages Publisher: BPS Books (October 30, 2012) ISBN: 1927483352, 978-1927483350
Caring for a differently abled child is a difficult task. To know that the child will never know that he is being loved or know who the person caring for him is a huge drain on the caregiver. But in spite of the gloomy prognosis, Donna Kirk remained optimistic and decided to give her first-born every chance to thrive in this world. Mathew Kirk did not disappoint.
In Finding Matthew, Donna Kirk documents lifetime of struggles of caring for Matthew. Her struggle to make a decision whether to care for the child or institutionalize him. Caring for a child is a full-time job. But caring for a differently abled child changes you. To rise above the petty peer pressures, to stay optimistic, and to maintain a happy family environment puts unbelievable stress.
Finding Matthew is an inspirational account of Donna Kirk’s grit. It is an account of commitment of her husband to her and their son. This book has been lying around on my shelf for a long time. I think I subconsciously kept putting of reading this because I expected to be emotionally taxing. Although it is that, it is also much more. Like in life, we can choose to focus on all that is negative or find unconditional love, grit and courage to do what we believe is right.
Donna’s ability to engage the reader shines through as you start flipping the pages and struggle to put away the book. It is as much a biography of a mother as it is about Matthew’s struggles. The author took 40 years to compile this extraordinary account of Matthew’s life. The detail narration of day-to-day events and challenges paints a vivid picture of what it is like to care for a differently abled child – for forty odd years.
While many give up their kids and some walk out of marriages, there are still some like Donna Kirk who show us how you can care for someone and still live a fulfilling life and have a complete family with more kids.